This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
