Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
