i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I AM VODKA MAN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
