I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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