Yo dont text me then not text me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
