So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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