I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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