I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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