Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
