I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
