O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
