My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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