i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh god was she eating orange peels again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
