So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
