i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.