Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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