I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
