he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.