oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.