Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
