I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
