then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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