i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
