did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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