im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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