You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
