Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
