I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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