i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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