Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are two peas in an std pod
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
