Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
