he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
