Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Where is the hickey?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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