Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
