I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
