he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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