Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
