dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
