She said her name was "party"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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