It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
