Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
