so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
