I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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