I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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