Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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