it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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