She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
