Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize