You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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