writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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