Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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