Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.