We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.