What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.