so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka