I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.