Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
