My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
