You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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