the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
