im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
