guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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