I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
