All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
