take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
