sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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