My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
